Tired of Feeling Like You Do Everything Wrong? Read This

Introduction

You know, I’ve felt this way forever. Back in school, I’d ask myself why I couldn’t draw that picture right or score like the other kids. In college, same story. But after becoming a mom, wow—it hit harder. Every little thing made me feel wrong, like I was messing up as a mom, a wife, or just… me. These thoughts keep circling, but the truth is, they don’t mean we’re failing. Let’s chat about why—and how to finally break free.

Do I Have a Mental Illness, or Am I Overreacting?

One day, I totally lost it. My younger one pulled a dress from the bottom of the cupboard, and in seconds all the clothes I had neatly folded the night before came tumbling down. My 20 minutes of hard work—gone just like that. I shouted so loud that even in the middle of yelling, I knew it wasn’t okay. I kept telling myself, “Stop, she’s scared… this is not worth it,” but I just couldn’t stop.

Later, the guilt hit me hard. I sat there wondering, “Do I have some mental illness? What’s wrong with me?”

But here’s what I learned, Mama:

• It wasn’t an illness—it was frustration.
• The intensity of my shouting mattered. A simple “no” would have been enough, but I went way overboard.
• I had to be accountable—own it, instead of pretending it didn’t happen.

Every mom’s situation is different. You know your own emotions, your child, and your family better than anyone. What feels like “too much” for you is your line, and that’s where you can start working.

“I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn’t stop—and that scared me.”

“It’s not about being perfect; it’s about learning to do better next time.”

That day doesn’t define me. I’ve handled plenty of situations better, and I know I can do it again. And if the guilt ever feels too heavy—if you feel like you just can’t move forward—there’s nothing wrong with reaching out for help. Talking to a counselor doesn’t make you weak; it makes you strong enough to take care of yourself and your family.

The root cause: Why We Feel Wrong All the Time

Before we can fix anything—our habits, character, or even problems—we first need to know the real cause. Only then can we work on change. So here, I’m sharing the root causes I’ve found in myself.

# Perfectionism Pressure

In school, I’d pour my heart into projects—neat, unique, perfect. But someone else would still do “better,” and I wouldn’t get the name. That hurt, and it fed my people-pleasing. Now, when I help my kids, I still feel that pull to make everything just right—but I’m learning to let it go. I want my daughters to enjoy the process, not chase approval. I’m choosing “good enough and happy” over “perfect and praised.”

• Perfectionism + people-pleasing = feeling “never enough.”
• Comparing my work to others made the pressure worse.
• I’m shifting to enjoy the process, not the applause—and modeling that for my kids.

“I should enjoy the process rather than the perfect result.”

“I’m not a robot; I’m not an AI. I can’t make everything picture-perfect without flaws.”

# Mom Guilt

One night my baby just wouldn’t sleep. I rocked, sang, and tried everything, but nothing worked. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I finally handed her to my mom and broke down in tears. That crushing guilt hit—“If I can’t even soothe my baby, am I failing as a mother?” For days, I carried that heaviness, convinced I wasn’t good enough.

Over time, I realized exhaustion doesn’t make me a bad mom—it makes me human. Mom guilt is often just a lying voice that tells us we’re not enough. The truth is, sometimes we feel wrong for wanting rest, but taking care of ourselves is actually part of taking care of our kids. We’ll face disagreements and judgment, but perfection isn’t the goal—being present is.

What I learned about mom guilt:

• Guilt lies and makes us doubt.
• Self-care shows strength.
• We can’t please everyone.
• Asking for help is okay.
• Love matters more than perfection.

# Comparison Trap

The comparison trap is one of the easiest and most damaging patterns moms fall into. I remember nights when I compared myself with moms who could rock their babies to sleep with patience, while I felt restless and guilty for not having the same calmness. In those vulnerable postpartum days, this hit me harder, making me question my worth as a mom. It’s not just social media that triggers it—we also compare ourselves to friends, neighbors, or elder moms who seem to “handle it all” gracefully, or to couples who appear happier. But what we often forget is that we’re only seeing the outside—a snapshot, not the full story. Behind the smiling photos and polished moments, everyone has their own struggles. Recognizing that reality helps us step away from the trap and focus on our own unique motherhood journey with more peace.

• Social media shows polished highlights, not reality.
• Real-life comparisons (friends, neighbors, elder moms, couples) can hurt too.
• Vulnerable phases (like postpartum) make us more sensitive.
• Every mom has struggles we don’t see.
• Peace comes from focusing on your own unique journey.

If you struggle with letting others’ opinions affect your peace, check out How to Not Let Others Affect Your Happiness and Feel Like Yourself Again. It’s full of strategies to reclaim your confidence and enjoy life on your terms.

# Lack of Validation

Sometimes I feel so frustrated, like maybe I’m doing everything wrong because no one validates my work. But later, I realized it’s not that I’m doing things wrong—it’s just that people think it’s a woman’s “duty” to handle all the cooking, cleaning, and chores. Whether I do it right or wrong, it doesn’t matter—validation doesn’t come for the duty of a mom.

That’s when I stopped expecting appreciation from others. Instead, I started believing that I’m doing this for my own joy and love for my family. I often tell my elder daughter, “When you’re on stage performing or drawing, don’t expect everyone to say you did great. Some will say it, some won’t—but what matters is how happy you feel while doing it.” One day I realized—why am I teaching her this but not following it myself? From that moment, I decided that nothing is wrong with me. I don’t need validation from others.

I cook, clean, and care for my family out of love, not for approval. That shift in mindset brought me peace.

• Validation may not always come—especially for the duties we do every day.
• Remind yourself: you’re not doing it wrong; people just see it as “expected.”
• Stop waiting for others’ approval—find joy in your own effort.
• Teach your kids to focus on happiness in doing, not on praise.
• Self-validation is powerful—it reminds us that love, not recognition, drives what we do.

# Burnout & Overload

Many times, we feel wrong thinking we “do everything wrong,” but it’s often not about failure—it’s about exhaustion. When you’re stretched too thin, even small slips feel huge.

I’ve been there. After two sleepless nights with my daughters, I overslept and skipped breakfast prep. In that moment, I felt like a terrible mom. But really, it wasn’t incapability—it was burnout.

That’s what burnout does: it magnifies little misses like forgetting groceries or running late, making us believe we’re failing. The truth? Your body isn’t betraying you—it’s asking for rest.

• Burnout, not failure, is often the cause.
• Missing one task doesn’t cancel all you do right.
• Rest is part of caring for your family.

# Old Programming

Many times, the thought “I do everything wrong” comes from old programming. These are beliefs formed during childhood—through strict parents, harsh teachers, or even negative comparisons with siblings and friends. Over time, such moments stick in our subconscious and turn into self-doubt. Even a small mistake in daily life can trigger this old voice that says, “See, you can’t get it right.”

• Negative comparisons or failures often replay in our subconscious, making us doubt ourselves.
• This mindset can show up anywhere—cooking, studies, work, or daily life.
• Old programming makes us equate failure with “I’m not good enough.”
• To change it, focus on progress, not just results.
• Self-worth should not depend on one success or failure.
• Reprogramming starts with believing in ourselves and trying again.

The Truth You’re Overlooking (Why You’re Not Failing)

Motherhood often feels like a tug-of-war between guilt and pride. We carry the heavy weight of what we didn’t do while quietly pushing aside the things we’ve already accomplished.

But here’s the truth: you’re not failing. You’re overlooking your wins.

Think about it—

1. We cook meals with love, but the day we skip one, the guilt screams louder.

2. We quit a habit for our kids’ sake, yet we whisper that achievement away like it’s nothing.

3. We make sacrifices—big and small—that shape our children’s world, but we rarely pat ourselves on the back.

4. We take bold steps, like moving or traveling for their betterment, yet still lie awake worrying we’re not “enough.”

“A mom’s guilt has a microphone.
Her pride has a whisper.”

And that whisper? It deserves to be heard.

Motherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up, again and again, even when you feel like you’re falling short. The truth is, every skipped meal, every messy moment, every stumble—those are just fragments of the story. The bigger picture is love, effort, and resilience.

You’re not failing. You’re mothering. And that is already extraordinary.

How do I Stop Feeling Like I Do Everything Wrong

# Shift Your Mindset

Sometimes the hardest part of motherhood isn’t the chores—it’s the way we talk to ourselves. When that voice inside keeps saying, “You’re not doing enough,” it can feel wrong and heavy.

That’s where a simple mindset shift comes in. One way is journaling—writing down your small wins, your feelings, or even funny kid moments. But let’s be real, as moms, finding time to sit with a notebook isn’t always easy.

If you want a deeper guide on focusing on yourself without feeling selfish, check out How to Focus on Myself and Still Love My Family Deeply. It’s packed with tips on balancing self-care while nurturing your family.

So here’s the trick: instead of writing, just share your good moments with someone you trust. Tell your partner, a friend, or even your mom about something that went right today. It’s like a mini boost that reminds you—you’re not failing; you’re actually creating beautiful little wins every single day.

Figuring out what genuinely makes you happy is a big part of shifting your mindset. For more tips, check out How to Figure Out What Makes You Happy and Keep It in Your Life.

# Build Emotional Support

Once you shift your mindset, the next step is finding support you can lean on. And honestly, this doesn’t mean you need a big mom group or dozens of friends. Even one trusted person—a spouse, sibling, or close friend—can be enough to feel wrong thoughts ease and to feel heard and safe.

You don’t have to push yourself into social circles that drain you. What matters is staying true to who you are and choosing connections that bring peace, not pressure. Socializing isn’t about numbers—it’s about trust. A small circle you genuinely feel comfortable with is more than enough.

# Tame Perfectionism

From what I’ve seen as a mom, perfectionism sneaks in more ways than just folding laundry neatly or finishing projects without a flaw—it shows up big time in parenting too. For some moms, “perfect parenting” means never raising their voice. For others, it’s about strict rules and discipline without room for empathy. Either way, chasing this so-called “perfect standard” only fuels the feeling of never being good enough.

But here’s the truth: we’re not robots, and even robots (hello, AI!) make mistakes. You’re human, and mistakes will happen. What matters is progress, not perfection. Even a 1% improvement counts as success. Learn when you can, let go when you must, and remember—you don’t need to be flawless to be a great mom.

Perfection isn’t the goal—trusting yourself is. How Do I Learn to Trust Myself While Failing as a Mom explores ways to embrace mistakes while believing in your ability to handle what comes next.

# Reduce Burnout

I’ve always felt that doing things elaborately, taking extra time and effort, somehow proves my love even more. But over time I’ve realized that love isn’t measured by how fancy or time-consuming something is. For so long, I used to feel wrong if I didn’t go all out, but the truth is—even the simplest gestures—like a quick home-cooked meal or sitting down to talk—can carry the same warmth.

Keeping things simple not only saves energy but also helps prevent burnout. When we stop overloading ourselves with pressure to do it all, we free up more time to actually enjoy moments with our family. Choosing ease over excess is how we protect our peace and stay present.

# Learn to Celebrate Yourself

We celebrate everything for our family, right? Our kids’ birthdays, our partner’s promotions, holidays like Christmas and New Year, and even small wins like good grades or a sports medal. But here’s the real question—when was the last time you celebrated yourself? Think about it. If you’ve got an answer, I’m cheering for you! If not, don’t worry, you’re not alone—most of us moms skip over ourselves.

Celebrating yourself doesn’t mean throwing a big party. It’s about giving yourself the same love and care you pour into everyone else. If you’re making healthy snacks for your kids, grab a plate for yourself too. If you’ve been dreaming about hitting the gym, go for it—don’t always push it aside to save every penny for the future. The truth is, staying healthy, fit, and happy is one of the best gifts you can give your kids. Show them that Mom matters too. That’s how you truly celebrate yourself.

Want more ideas to make your special day memorable? Check out What to Do on Your Birthday with Family to Make It Special—it’s full of fun, simple ways to celebrate yourself with the people you love.

Final Thoughts: A Warm Hug for Moms

I get it, Mama. It’s so easy to feel like we’re doing everything wrong, but that doesn’t define you. That’s not your destiny. You can always flip the script and choose a different path. So, please—don’t let every little moment weigh you down.

If even one thing I shared here helps you breathe easier or feel lighter, then my heart’s full. And hey, if you’ve got something that’s worked for you, don’t be shy—drop it in the comments. We can all learn from each other.

And if you know another mama who might need this little reminder, share it with her. Let’s spread the love and lift each other up.

Thanks for hanging out with me here today—you’ve got this, mama.