“Why This Again?” Turn Arguments into Deep Understanding
Introduction
Everyone wants their partner to agree with everything they think. Same opinions, the same emotions, and fewer disputes. When we prioritize repair, our relationship can endure even a difficult fight. Fights are not always only due to disagreeing opinions. Issues like ego, picking the wrong time, and old topics coming up are the reasons. At the same time, we would like our disagreements to resolve and not remain unresolved. Being a mom, our hearts desire peace for us, our kids, and also for the sake of the man we are with. A single fight doesn’t have to end our relationship; it can be a problem we can work through if we wish to.
What Causes Conflicts to Take Place?
Mama, every couple faces their own set of challenges in marriage. Some individuals enter fights due to money matters. Sometimes, couples disagree on how to plan their day-to-day lives or how to look after the children. And sometimes? We argue over nothing. Sometimes, you have heated arguments, and after, you wonder, “What was that all about?” Yes, I do too.
Even the best relationships will have fights at some point. It could be due to tiredness, being in an uncomfortable state, looking around at mess, or holding onto past emotions that haven’t yet let go. In some cases, it’s the underlying emotions that lead to a disagreement, rather than the specific problem. Sometimes, these deeper issues stem from trust.
Still, the key thing to accept is that we’re going to have disagreements. We don’t always have to feel guilty or begin accusing others. This makes the separation bigger rather than helping to heal the relationship. Guilt can weaken a relationship. Sometimes, blaming leads to separation. Instead of keeping grudges, let’s have grace.
It takes a lot to repair a relationship after a tough fight, but it’s so worth it for the peace it brings.
When Love Feels Messy, Here’s How We Clean It Up Together
Nobody wants to fight with their husband, right? We simply hope for peace, love, and someone who understands us best. Nevertheless, quarrels occur, and the issue isn’t always deciding who is correct. A lot of things slowly add up. Mama, even he gets hurt sometimes, and we mustn’t forget it. Not quite the same, but those words? They sting both sides. Once we realize we are not the only ones with wounds, we can work on the relationship, and we’ll know how to move forward.
Real Talk: Don’t Be Fooled by What You See
Certain couples appear to be so happy on the outside. Kissing and walking side by side, they laugh as if they had no troubles. That’s something I used to believe. Nearby to our apartment lives an elderly couple who walk and shop every morning, seem very happy together, and appear to have a great relationship. Once, I told my husband, “I hope we have that kind of love when we get old.”
And here’s the part I never expected—they took it easy with us once by saying, “We fight just like before.” It really opened my eyes! But their next words stayed in my mind: “We simply try to fix our issues after fighting. That’s what has motivated us to keep moving forward. It became so real at that point, Mama. Having arguments doesn’t mean your relationship has broken down; it is something you both face from time to time. What counts most is how we reunite after such an event. And that belief? It transformed my perspective on everything around me.
Take a Breather: Pause Before It Gets Too Loud
Hey, Mama, it’s true that we’ve all shouted or said things we didn’t mean in the heat of an argument. It happens. Does shouting at someone actually solve any problems? I don’t think so, right? We realize that deep inside. However, when our emotions are high, it’s not easy to keep our cool. This doesn’t suggest we don’t care about our man or that we want to upset the peace at home or harm our children. It’s just a sign that we’re human, and sometimes we get too much to handle.
What have I discovered as time has passed? Taking a break is useful. Not the kind where you make a dramatic exit and slam the doors. I am referring to a true, deliberate pause. You could say, “I think we should take a break and talk later,” and leave the room. Allow yourself some time to think about the issue without getting upset. Remember all the times you spent together, the happiness on your kids’ faces, the sweet memories and the moments you grew stronger after a disagreement. Consider if the outcome of the fight is worth the harm it could cause.
I usually take out a notebook and write down my feelings while crying, or I just stand in front of the mirror and let everything out. I can assure you, it makes a difference. I am able to handle my emotions much better after that. However, I have stopped doing one thing. Silent treatment. That only creates barriers. A break should help you understand, not distance you from your partner. When we stop and think about love, we become calmer and more willing to improve things.
The Magic of Touch—A Silent Way to Reconnect
Mom, I’m not trying to convince you that a hug or kiss will soothe everything, like in some storybook. Keep in mind, we are not watching a movie. Life doesn’t always fix things instantly or leave things on a good note. We’re already aware of this, right? Yet, there is something that can make things easier. A quick, easy thing I can do. Just making contact by holding his hand or touching his arm is a way for your heart to say, “I’m not going anywhere; we are sharing this experience.” That little bit of affection? It allows you to move up a level much more quickly than additional words.
And I want to share something from my own life—straight from a fellow mom to fellow moms…
When the discussion gets intense, I won’t just grab for a quick hug. Being so involved with a person can sometimes escalate the problem when your emotions are still moving quickly. What do I do? I put my hand on his back, or I lightly touch the shoulder. That tiny bit of contact? It’s enough. He usually looks at me after a while, so I whisper, “We’ll get this figured out,” or something like, “Remember the tough times we’ve overcome?” At that moment, everything seems easier. Hopefully, once we have both cooled down, grabbing that hug will feel nice and natural. We might simply decide to sit quietly beside each other. Either way, this method works to repair the relationship after a fight.
Don’t Rely on “We Can Fix It Later.”
Although a disagreement can be resolved after, that doesn’t mean we have to have the same argument again. Mama, we have just one chance at life—and deep inside, we hope it’s peaceful and doesn’t feel chaotic. We shouldn’t let ourselves believe, “That’s all right, we will take care of it later.” That mindset? It results in even more cracks forming over the years.
Give yourself a moment before you discuss anything your partner did that troubles you. In all honesty, pause and wonder, “Must I put myself through this fight one more time?” Remember what happened each time in the past. What worked? What didn’t? Just a moment of thought and attention can achieve a lot.
One time, a friend said to me, “We argue about money, but other than that, we’re quite satisfied with our relationship.” I asked her, “Are you REALLY going to let it interfere with your peace again and again?” Since you are already aware of the issue, begin with solving it. She later expressed that she never saw it the same way before. I just needed some extra push.
Don’t repeat the mistake my friend made, Mama. As soon as you identify the reason for your problem, try not to let it happen again. Taking this proactive step is key to beginning the repair of your relationship after a fight.
Appreciate the Effort, Don’t Judge the Intent
Even the slightest effort from your partner matters. Do you know just how difficult it is to begin talking again after a quarrel? Therefore, if he’s doing it, that means a lot. Avoid placing blame by saying things such as, “You only want to fix it because you did it,” or “This is all because of you.”
What effect does it have? It only serves to push him away from you. And you? You notice that you aren’t with people as much as you used to be.
Instead, mama, just notice the effort. When he fills your water bottle, writes “drive safe” in a text or gives you an extra long gaze, those are all signs he cares about you. Things that suggest he still has feelings for you. So find your way there. With a gentle heart, not with criticism. Real repair starts at this stage.
When Effort Isn’t Enough, Reach Out
You could be doing every kind of thing to make it work and still the arguments just won’t go away. I understand what it’s like. It’s frustrating. Suddenly, you find yourself wondering, “Have we progressed at all?” If you are feeling like that, mama, it is alright. This simply means you should seek out some added support.
Simply talking to a therapist or counselor is not a sign that the relationship is done. It shows that you will defend it in the proper and honorable manner. At times, someone else’s perspective can help us recognize things we don’t see ourselves, especially when dealing with deeper emotional challenges like relationship anxiety.
It’s a good idea to say, “Maybe we can reach out to someone who can help us deal with this.” To do that, you need a lot of strength. You still have the same enthusiasm to genuinely repair the relationship after a fight.
Final Thoughts
I’m no expert in relationships either, Mama; I’m just a mom like you, trying to figure things out all the time. I gathered this information from my own experiences and talks with other moms who’ve been through it all. We all strive to repair our relationship after a fight.
Every family is different, and what helped me may not be the same for you—and that’s normal. No two homes have the same energy. If something feels good to you, keep it; if it doesn’t, try something different and trust yourself for the rest.
Whether your advice is huge or tiny, I’d love to know if anything has made a real difference in your relationship. It’s possible that the message you share will encourage someone who needs to hear it today.
Download your “Conflict Pause & Reset” Printable List
Based on all this knowledge, I’ve developed a Conflict Pause & Reset Printable Sheet to assist you in taking a vital break and dealing with your emotions constructively. It’s not only about preventing a conflict; it’s also about taking your time, considering your actions and approaching things gently so you’re in a good place to join each other after resolving the issue.
Where would you like to store yours? Maybe you keep one in your kitchen drawer or somewhere that’s easily within reach when you need a short break?