Feeling Unlovable in a Relationship? Getting Back on Track

Introduction

Have you ever sat on the couch after another long day, gazing at your partner, and wondering, Am I lovable anymore? You’re not alone, Mama. Balancing parenting, running the house, and keeping the spark alive—so many moms in the USA can relate. In all of that chaos, you can just get lost and begin to doubt if you’re even seen or valued. For example, feeling unlovable in a relationship doesn’t mean you actually are, but let’s pause for a second and unpack that.

And Why You Might Feel This Way (And It’s Not Only You)

Being a mom is a full-time gig… and then some. There is almost no time between making PB&Js, running the school carpool, and folding mountains of laundry to spare to think about your relationship. Here’s why this might be hitting home for you:

You are always “on” for everyone else

Okay, mama, let’s get real. Now you know you’re always ‘on.’ From when your kids wake up demanding breakfast to when you finally resign to the couch at night. The off switch… just doesn’t exist. Does that sound familiar?

It’s So Exhausting, Right?

I hear you. Giving and not getting is exhausting. Well, to be honest, it’s no wonder you feel like you’re running low on everything. But here’s the thing: If you aren’t speaking up, how will anybody know what you need Sometimes, feeling unlovable in a relationship comes from not expressing what’s weighing you down—and that’s something you can change, one conversation at a time.

Communication & Feedback: Your Secret Weapon

This is where there’s a need for communication and feedback. You’ve got to communicate with your partner and with your family about how you’re feeling. How are they supposed to know if you don’t?

Take a second to think:

• Have I let my partner know how I feel stretched thin?
• Am I actually asking for help, or am I just pushing through and hoping I don’t crack?

Spoiler alert: No one can read your mind. If you’re burnt out, you GOTTA be real about it.

Communicate Small

I know it’s hard, but instead of saying, “I’m fine” (when you’re so not fine), try saying something like:

• “I am super overwhelmed. ‘Can we figure out a way to share some of these responsibilities?’”

Sounds simple, right? And trust me, it works. It’s honest and allows room for them to help.

Feedback Makes a Big Impact

Don’t forget, feedback is a two-way street. If your partner or kids do pitch in, make sure you acknowledge them.

It can be something as simple as, Thanks for doing the dishes tonight; it really helped! It’s not just the chores; it’s about building that home vibe where people want to be together.

You Don’t Have to Do It All by Yourself

Mama, you aren’t really asked to do it all by yourself at the end of the day. Make that communication a priority, say how you’re feeling, and communicate what you need. You’ve got a team. But that team is here to help, as long as you’d let them.

You’ve Lost Touch With Your Own Needs

Okay, Mama, let’s talk. You’ve got kids, housework, and maybe you’ve got a job on the side as well. In the middle of all this… Who gets pushed aside??? Yep, you.

I get it. So busy taking care of everyone else, you’ve forgotten what you need. A little time to recharge, that quiet moment to breathe, or something that’s as basic as me time. But here’s the thing: You’re not a superhero. You can’t pour from an empty cup. That’s why things like self-care group activities can be a game-changer—connecting with others while prioritizing your well-being helps you refill your cup in ways you might not expect.

It Doesn’t Have to be Overwhelming

I’m not about to tell you to have a spa day (although, do if you can!). So what I’m saying is it’s about time to get back in touch with yourself. TRUST me, it doesn’t need to be this big overwhelming thing.

The Growth Mindset Chart

Here’s something that helped me, and I’m hoping it helps you too: A growth mindset chart. Sounds fancy, but it’s just a simple way of looking at things. Think of it like this: don’t worry if you’ve been neglecting your needs. So instead, just notice it and become curious about how to fix it—one small step at a time.

Start With One Thing

Start with one thing. Ask yourself:

• What is one need I am ignoring?
• What can I do today to take a tiny step to caring for it?

Perhaps it’s something like setting aside just 10 minutes for you. Even if that’s just a quick time outside for a short walk or sitting down and taking a breather with a cup of tea (without disturbances), counting. And write it down! Now you see how great it is to have a little goal that is all about you.

Little by little, it adds up

The idea is that bit by bit, you’re letting yourself back to you. When you start feeling better, trust me, everything starts falling into place.

When Your Partner Is More Like a Roommate

Mama, let’s be honest: does your relationship seem a little more business and a little less partnership these days? Bills… kids… bills… kids… then Netflix… rinse and repeat. Sound familiar? It’s not surprising that you’re feeling unlovable in a relationship if it feels like your connection has become a never-ending to-do list or some never-ending things that have to be done. Let’s unpack this.

Where Did the Spark Go?

Remember those crazy days when only a glance or a small touch from your partner could be a flutter in your heart? You might then feel like two ships passing in the night. When you’re between soccer practices, diaper changes, and grocery runs, it’s easy to forget that you’re more than co-parents or roommates; you’re life teammates.

And that loss of connection? It’s not just frustrating—it can leave you questioning yourself:

• Am I enough?
• Do I even feel noticed by my partner anymore?

Don’t worry; none of us are alone when we feel this way. Feeling unlovable in a relationship is more common than you think, and it doesn’t mean your relationship is broken.

Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Here’s the thing: It’s draining when, after the emotional connection fades, it can start to feel like you’re losing a part of yourself. You long to be seen, valued, and honored for who you are—not just because of what you do. That loneliness? It’s real, and it’s hard.

But here’s the good news: You can build that connection over again. Nope, it doesn’t require grand romantic gestures or the magical “fix.”

Reigniting the connection: Small Steps

And we’ll begin with something easy. Ask yourself:

• When was the last time we spoke without talking about cars or kids, but about each other?
• Am I showing my partner appreciation even in the tiniest ways?

Now, take one small step. Here are a few ideas:

• Get a quick note into their bag or lunch saying, ‘I love you’ or ‘Thinking of you today.’
• Simply ask them a good question; something like, ‘What’s been on your mind lately?’
• After the kids go to bed, share a quiet moment just the two of you…phones away.

These little acts may not seem like much, but I assure you they’ll begin to bring back some connection with the one you’ve lost.

You’re Not Roommates, You’re a Team

Here’s the bottom line, mama: Relationships don’t run on autopilot. Just like everything else in your busy life, they need care and attention. Making small efforts to reconnect with one another is a way of letting your partner, and yourself, know that you’re still in it together.

What you’re going through is not unique, and feeling unlovable in a relationship is something many of us experience. Each ounce of work you put into reuniting with them is a valid step. You’ve got this.

 

Does This Sound Familiar?

Picture this: During nap time you’re scrolling Instagram, and there’s that one mom influencer and her picture-perfect marriage. Flowers, date nights, compliments—ugh. On the other hand, you’re lucky if your partner remembers to take out the trash.

Sound familiar? It’s easy to feel like you’re falling short, but here’s the kicker: A lot of what you feel is perception, not reality. It’s time to stop that comparison spiral, and let’s focus on you.

When Everything Seems Gone Wrong

For a sec, let’s be real. No matter how hard you try sometimes, the feeling sits and won’t budge. If you’re feeling unlovable in a relationship and still having a hard time, it’s time to bring in the pros. A therapist isn’t just for ‘serious’ stuff, they’re like a relationship coach, helping you work out what the problem is and how to fix it.

If you’ve got kids, you can do all kinds of online therapy, or find couple’s counseling. It’s not about “fixing” it, it’s about giving you tools that help you feel more like yourself again.

Remember, You’re Worth It

Mama, here’s the bottom line: Feeling unlovable in a relationship doesn’t make you unworthy of love. That is a signal that you need to pay attention in some way to—more self care, more communication, or just taking a break.

The next time that voice creeps in saying, You’re too much or You’re not enough, remember this: You are lovable just as you are, and you are even loved. But if the road feels bumpy, you can also know that reaching out for help is one of the strongest and most loving things you can do for yourself and your family.

You got this, Mama. One step at a time.